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We sit down with family medicine physician Jennifer Tillman to explore the transformative journey from early academic struggles to a fulfilling medical career. Jennifer shares her personal story of overcoming a pivotal setback in organic chemistry and defying discouragement to achieve her dream of becoming a doctor. We discuss the true essence of practicing medicine, beyond tests and paperwork, and the enduring human connection that keeps physicians returning to their patients every day.
Jennifer Tillman is a family medicine physician.
She discusses the KevinMD article, “The essence of medicine: genuine connections in practice.”
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Transcript
Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Subscribe at KevinMD.com/podcast. Today, we welcome Jennifer Tillman. She’s a family physician. Today’s KevinMD article is titled The Essence of Medicine: Genuine Connections in Practice. Jennifer, welcome to the show.
Jennifer Tillman: Thank you, Kevin. Good to be here.
Kevin Pho: So let’s start by briefly sharing your story and journey.
Jennifer Tillman: My background is that I’m from Long Island, New York. Originally, I grew up in Southern California, went to undergraduate school at UC Davis, and then took a few years off to work at the City of Hope in a cancer lab. I went to medical school at New York Medical College and completed my residency at East Tennessee State University.
After residency, I spent three years in an FHQC in Wenatchee, Washington, and then came back to Davis, California, where I worked at Kaiser for the last 25 years.
Kevin Pho: Wow. And you’re a primary care physician. As you know, there’s a shortage of primary care physicians. For those medical students who may be listening, what kept you going in primary care?
Jennifer Tillman: That’s a great question. Actually, I retired about nine months ago.
What kept me going all that time was something I puzzled over for quite a while. I’m one of those people who gets all my ideas and realizations while driving to work. I don’t know why, but I do.
What I thought about most was that no matter how efficient or productive I was, no matter how many patients I saw or diagnoses I made, the most meaningful thing for me was that one-on-one interaction with patients. That gave me the most rewards in the long run.
Kevin Pho: Wonderful. Your KevinMD article is titled The Essence of Medicine: Genuine Connections in Practice. For those who didn’t get a chance to read it, tell us what it’s about.
Jennifer Tillman: It’s about that same question—looking back on my career and asking, why did I keep going when times were hard?
In the beginning, I was discouraged from going into medicine. The reason I kept going at that point was my passion for being a doctor. But that passion came from wanting to learn everything I could about the human body. I didn’t really understand yet how much my experiences with patients would shape me. That came later.
Over the years, I started to see that you can’t know everything or learn everything, but you can give patients care and compassion. It’s not quantifiable, but it’s the most rewarding part for me.
Kevin Pho: In terms of that reflection on your medical career, did the reality of medicine meet your expectations when you were a premedical and medical student?
Jennifer Tillman: Yes.
As a premed and medical student, I felt overwhelmed. I thought I could never learn everything I needed to know. I dwelled on that too much, and I think it’s a common issue among medical students. They worry and feel frightened that they can’t learn everything.
But I began to realize that we’re all in the same boat. We have each other to rely on.
Kevin Pho: In your article, you mentioned that your premed advisor discouraged you from going into medicine. Why was that?
Jennifer Tillman: I didn’t have the grades. I had a 3.2 GPA. My MCAT scores were above average, but nothing stellar. I was in a hard major—genetics. My advisor told me to switch to biological sciences because it was easier, but I liked the hard stuff.
My grades in the hard courses were B’s and C’s, and my grades in English were A’s. So, I was kind of backwards that way.
Kevin Pho: Did you have second thoughts about going into medicine even though your advisors discouraged you?
Jennifer Tillman: Sure, I had some really difficult times when I thought, “Is there anything else I can do with my life that will have meaning and challenge me?”
I thought about being a genetic counselor. I even took the GRE to apply for a master’s program in genetic counseling or something similar. But I kept getting pulled back toward medicine.
Kevin Pho: Back then, when you were exploring other paths, what kept pulling you back to medicine?
Jennifer Tillman: I’m not sure. I think it’s just a lifelong desire to learn—always to be learning something new.
I knew when I was six that I wanted to be a doctor. I remember finding my mother’s nursing books and being enthralled by the anatomy drawings. I’ve always felt driven in that direction.
Kevin Pho: That’s an example of resilience, and resilience certainly grows as you progress in your medical career. Tell us about that role of resilience—how overcoming those obstacles and difficult courses shaped the physician you became.
Jennifer Tillman: Overcoming difficulties gave me resilience and grit, which you need to get through medical school—especially 30 years ago when there was a lot of hazing and pimping. It was kind of crazy.
For example, we’d be asked questions in front of a patient. If we didn’t know the answer, the attending would say, “Well, you just killed that patient because you didn’t know that.”
That resilience helped me get through those challenges and the difficulties of being a primary care physician—the lack of time and the overwhelming competing agendas of patients and doctors.
But now, as I’m retired, some of those skills are less helpful to me. Being so focused and driven makes it hard to have downtime. If my Google Calendar says “nothing planned,” I panic a little, wondering what I’m going to do.
Kevin Pho: I hear that a lot from other physicians—the adjustment to having an empty calendar after such a demanding medical career. You mentioned you’ve been in primary care for over 20 years. How different was it when you retired compared to when you started?
Jennifer Tillman: When I started, it was, in a sense, more lovely in my memory.
I did a preceptorship in the Appalachian Mountains with a family physician. He would see two or three patients he’d known for 20 years, then go back to his office and read a journal. He had time to read journals during the day.
He would write a few handwritten notes, and that was it. He never seemed to be in a huge hurry—though I’m sure he had days like that.
Now, the density of the work is so different. There’s so much data coming at you from all corners. Some of it is clinically relevant, but a lot isn’t. You’re constantly trying to weed out what’s most important to address today. It’s a lot of pressure.
Kevin Pho: And in terms of all that data coming at you and the bureaucratic burdens, how did it affect your relationship with patients?
Jennifer Tillman: For a while, it felt very negative. I felt like I was rushing through my time in the exam room so I could get back to my computer and manage my inbox.
I thought, “This is upside down. This is wrong. This isn’t what I sacrificed for.” So, I started spending more time with patients—not a lot because there isn’t much time, but I made sure that during the time I spent with them, I was 120 percent present.
For those 15 or 20 minutes, nothing else mattered. We could have been on the Titanic sinking, and I wouldn’t have noticed. It was just me and the patient. That mindset helped me because it reminded me why I was there.
I wasn’t there to just refill medications, answer emails, or meet productivity metrics. I was there for the patients.
Kevin Pho: How difficult was it to maintain that focus? As you know, I’m a primary care physician too, and we’re constantly distracted by electronic medical records, urgent patient messages, and even text messages. How did you manage to stay present with patients despite all those distractions?
Jennifer Tillman: It was difficult. Part of it was that I rarely responded to texts in the exam room. Most of the time, those texts weren’t clinically urgent. If I saw one come in, I’d glance at it to ensure it wasn’t urgent and then say to the patient, “Sorry about that—they’re bothering me again.” Then I’d get back on track.
It wasn’t perfect, but I tried to compartmentalize as much as possible to stay focused on the patient in front of me.
Kevin Pho: You stayed in primary care for over 20 years. We hear so often about primary care doctors burning out and leaving medicine. What kept you going despite everything else?
Jennifer Tillman: A few things kept me going.
First, I had drive. I knew that if I could work until I was 60, I’d have a good retirement. Being a single parent for much of that time, I needed that financial security.
Second, my colleagues were everything. I had great people to work with—people I could trust, talk to, and share tough days with. We had good specialty support too, so I could call a GI or neuro doc, ask a quick question, and get what I needed to move on with my day.
Having a supportive environment made all the difference.
Kevin Pho: You mentioned you’ve been retired for nine months now. Do you miss medicine?
Jennifer Tillman: I do. Sometimes, I miss it a lot.
I’m still doing a little bit of medicine. I work with the MAVEN Project, and I occasionally volunteer at a free clinic near me, precepting medical students.
Teaching and mentoring the next generation gives me a lot of joy. It’s nourishing for me, and I enjoy helping the younger set grow.
Kevin Pho: Do you see interest in primary care among the medical students you work with?
Jennifer Tillman: Yes, I do. The medical students I work with are genuinely interested in primary care, which is encouraging.
Kevin Pho: For premedical students who might be struggling—those whose grades aren’t where they want them to be—what lessons can they take from your story?
Jennifer Tillman: I think the biggest lesson is that you don’t have to fit the mold to succeed.
I wasn’t the premed student at UC Davis with a fancy multicolor pen, sitting in the front row and taking meticulous notes. I wasn’t the first in line to talk to the professor. I thought, “If I’m not like that, I won’t make it.”
I felt like a failure for getting a B in a genetics class, but it turns out there are many pathways to achieving what you want. If you want it badly enough, you’ll find a way.
Kevin Pho: We’re talking to Jennifer Tillman. She’s a family physician. Today’s KevinMD article is titled The Essence of Medicine: Genuine Connections in Practice. Jennifer, let’s end with some take-home messages you’d like to share with the KevinMD audience.
Jennifer Tillman: My take-home message is to remember what gives you the most fulfillment in medicine and savor it.
If you’re with a patient who shows you kindness, respect, and trust—qualities that aren’t as common as they used to be—savor that moment. Write it down, reflect on it, and hold onto it.
We need that nourishment to sustain us in medicine.
Kevin Pho: Jennifer, thank you so much for sharing your story, time, and insight. Thanks again for coming on the show.
Jennifer Tillman: Thank you, Kevin.
