He is 75 years old, and I am 30. Wondering how we met? It was a very casual meeting in a park.
I live in a four-story building with numerous flats. There is a long walking and jogging track and a playground in front of my building.
On the opposite side of this ground, there are huge bungalows and fancy houses.
People from both sides of the road come here to walk and jog with their spouses or children.
Some people come to walk their dogs.
I started going for a walk in the evening just out of boredom. The track is approximately two kilometers long.
Initially, it was a bit difficult to walk after just sitting for many years, but it was refreshing.
The ground is full of greenery; there are tall trees—the tallest pine trees I have ever seen.
There are different flowers on the sides of the track. I saw these many-colored flowers for the first time in my life.
At first, I livened up my walks by putting on my headphones and enjoying my favorite songs. The music helped me ignore the fact that I was walking slowly, so I started walking for longer periods just to keep listening to more music each day. This went on for many weeks.
Over time, I started observing people around me. Young boys jogged while listening to music. Middle-aged and elderly men and women came for a walk. Most of them had rosaries in their hands and kept reciting various prayers and verses from the holy Quran throughout the walk. It embarrassed me that I had been listening to music all this time.
Gradually, I got bored of listening to music. Music made me live inside my head. It did not help me concentrate on the present moment. Now I just leave my cell phone at home and take a water bottle along with me.
The environment of this area is different from my previous residence. People who visit this park don’t like to socialize much, so I adopted the same behavior. But I could not resist for long.
How can you just ignore greeting the other person without constantly looking at his or her face?
Over time, I started greeting people, but whenever the aunties met me, they started asking me for details about my non-existent husband and children. And why have I not gotten married yet? This question triggers me every time. It makes me sad. But once everyone got their answers, they stopped bothering me.
That’s the reason I am allergic to women, especially aunties.
Whenever I go out with my younger brother, who is 17 years younger than me, aunties always ask me if he is my son. Initially, I used to explain to everyone that he was my younger brother, but I feel tired now. Although my brother accompanies me rarely, as I aim to do at least three rounds and he gets tired, now I don’t try to explain to anyone that he is not my son.
One day, I saw a very cute gentleman with white hair and a mustache. He was slightly bulky. He had a smiling face—very warm—the kind of face you could not resist talking to. The kind of person who gives good vibes. I greeted him, and he answered so sweetly.
Then I kept on greeting him every day.
I did not see him for almost two weeks. One day, I saw him walking far away. I increased my pace to catch him. I reached near him and greeted him; he asked, “Where have you been all these days?” I told him I had been coming every day. Then I asked him the same, and both of us realized that we had been coming at different times.
I started walking with him, and we started talking. He was very soft-spoken and quite well-versed in both English and Urdu. He introduced himself and asked me what I did. He was quite impressed that I did my residency in oncology. After a detailed introduction, he started telling me about himself. The good thing about him was that he was not the type of person who just kept on talking or bragging about himself or his accomplishments. He involved the other person in the conversation as well.
He told me that he was a professor at a well-known university. He did not give me more details.
He told me that all of his children lived abroad, and he and his wife lived here. Both of them were quite old but were healthy and fit. They did all of the household things themselves and did not need a servant, although they had a security guard.
He was saddened by the fact that modernization and urbanization have made us isolated. He did not even know much about his neighbors because people do not like to socialize these days and get offended if anyone invades their privacy.
I was thankful for the fact that I live in flats, where everyone knows everything about each other and people live like a family.
I asked him about his hobbies, and he expressed that he had nothing to do. He just read research papers in his free time. He was still actively supervising some educational projects. He was involved in the establishment of a new private medical college in the city.
He asked about my future plans, and I told him that I was not quite sure. We discussed all the aspects of staying here and going abroad.
He told me that he usually does one round of the track. He even showed me his street, so I realized he might be aiming to go home now. But he kept on walking, saying that he was enjoying talking to me. He had come in his car that he had parked on the nearby road.
After two rounds, he said he would go home.
He said, “Let’s exchange numbers,” but interestingly, none of us had brought our phones.
We decided to exchange numbers the next time, and I realized that I had forgotten to ask him his name. He told me his name. He told me that I had a very innocent face, and he enjoyed the walk. He told me to stay in touch and caressed my head, as our elders do in our culture. He is so sweet that he said we would be friends forever. We said goodbye to each other.
When I reached home, I googled his name and his university. I was shocked to see that he was a PhD holder. He was a renowned professor and had held different administrative positions. He had multiple publications to his name, starting from the year before I was born.
The very next day, I looked all over the park for him. When I was leaving for home, I spotted him coming toward me. He handed me his business card and two candies. Interestingly, he had brought his cell phone as well. He told me that he had completed two rounds and was looking all around to see me. His gesture melted my heart, and I was pleased to see that even today, such kind people exist in such busy cities.
Since that day, we have been going for a walk at the same time. Sometimes he shares the most recent articles on the projects he has been working on. Interestingly, his field is microbiology and stem cell transplant. We discuss a lot of things, and I enjoy his company.
I have slowed down my pace, and he walks much more distance every day.
Our friendship grew stronger over time.
We have planned to go hiking and visit his medical college as well. He has plans to offer me a faculty post if I decide to teach anytime in the future, although I have no such plans. He is there to offer me a ride because he knows that I don’t have a car. He becomes angry and always says, “You don’t need to worry when my car is there. I will drop you myself.” He always assures me that he can do everything in his power to send me abroad whenever I want to.
He says I should try everything in life. I should aim for everything in life. He disagrees whenever he notices that I am not as ambitious as other people my age. He says, “You are young and have a long way to go.” He argues every time I tell him that I feel tired and old. He encourages me to excel in life, not settle for less, and stop thinking too much.
I found a great friend in him, a person who loves beyond expectations. His children are so lucky that they have such an amazing dad. For the first time in my life, I found a friend who expects nothing from me. I see kindness and purity in his smile.
I pray for his health, happiness, and long life every day.
People always advise me to make friends in my age group. How can I do that when all the girls my age are busy with their marriages, jobs, in-laws, and children? On the other hand, most of the guys I meet, even if I am meeting them to explore possible marriage prospects, usually suggest whether I can go to a faraway place for a holiday with them. Some guys ask me to visit their homes, even when they live alone. Some run away when they guess in the first meeting that they have different intentions and I have different interests. That’s the reason I find it comfortable to be with people even older than my parents.
Friendship between two people is regardless of age, sect, socioeconomic status, cultural background, or educational background. It’s based on sincerity, respect, and genuine communication. It means taking care of each other and being there for each other in difficult times. It is beyond judgment and means considering the same things for the other person as you would like for yourself. One-sided friendship exhausts you in the end. It always brings resentment and pain, especially for the person who makes all the effort.
“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.”
—Madeleine L’Engle
Damane Zehra is a radiation oncology resident in Pakistan.
