To me, barber shops and salons are like restaurants. You can go to your favorite spot as much as you want, but there’s no reason you have to go there exclusively all the time. You aren’t solely responsible for keeping the lights on there. Chances are, they won’t even notice your absence. Is your barber your actual friend, or just a person you pay for a service? Is it in their best interest to make you think you’re friends so that you pay them more? Worth considering.
But that’s not my problem. I get that it’s important to support the businesses you love and that returning regularly is a good way to do so. My problem is when guys remain that loyal because they believe that their barber is giving them the best possible haircut. They believe that this person has a unique and sacred set of skills and knowledge, and that if they stray from the path as clients, they will be punished by the hair karma gods. That’s the foundation of the entire relationship. You went once, got what you thought was a great haircut, so you went back, and so on. It’s a cycle of enabling narcissism. Unfortunately, all haircuts are bad. It doesn’t matter where you go or who does it. Especially the popular haircuts of the last few years—the machine-faded, too high, too tight, too slick, too parted, overworked, over-styled haircuts that are basically standard at any barbershop. Haircuts that look like they were ordered on Amazon Prime. Haircuts that sit atop men’s heads like shiny new hats. Haircuts that, for three days afterwards, make anyone who sees you say, “Nice haircut.” The worst compliment.
Obviously this is all undergirded by man’s long and tangled history of hair-related anxiety and depression. Growing up, boys know if they have good hair or bad hair—if we have the kind of hair that other moms want to tussle, or the kind of hair that should be kept suspended in green gel. And by the time we’re young men, we know where we’re headed. We know if our hair will be a symbol of our virility and youth, or if it will accelerate us into maturity and distinction. And at some point our hair takes a turn. The color will become less colorful, the thickness will become less thick, and the impression it makes will become less impressive. The barber is our only hope.
Which is exactly why getting a bad haircut is so crucial to our mental and spiritual health. A bad haircut is a good thing. Hair has an outsized impact on the way we feel about ourselves. That’s why men’s haircuts are so out of control. Men are asking their hair to do too much. The expectations are too high, as is the level of attention we give our hair. It all needs to be scaled way back. For hundreds of years, men have been following along with conventions and trends to try fit in with the culture, and for hundreds of years men have been led astray and made to look like fools. This is how we ended up with mullets and powdered wigs. Now we have tidy little fades with side parts and perms named after vegetables. Save your money, buy a cool shirt instead, and get your hair done at Supercuts. Or, better yet, cut it yourself.
From 2021 to 2023, I exclusively cut my own hair. Living with a variety of self-inflicted bad haircuts during these years gave me a new perspective on the barbershop cut. This wasn’t a great idea at first. The learning curve was steep. I sort of stumbled into it accidentally and was forced to figure it out, like a kid thrown into the deep end of a pool. It was ugly for a while. But I eventually got the hang of it. Not that I can give myself a good haircut now. But I can give myself a bad haircut that almost looks cool. And I don’t have to pretend to be friends with someone to get it.
